Self-Pity, Self-Indulgence, Self-Loathing

The past two weeks have been challenging in a multitude of ways. In keeping true to the purpose of blogging about the journey I am on, I am acknowledging that I am not always going to be positive. I am not always going to make the right choices. I’m going to screw up. And I have to be willing to accept the consequences of my actions. Having experienced 4 of the top ten causes of stress in the last 6 months (illness, marriage, job loss, and change of financial status) and the added stress of moving to a new and relatively unfamiliar place paired with a transfer of custody of my children from full-time with me to full-time with their father all seemed to hit me at once. 

Don’t get me wrong. I’m HAPPY about the majority of the changes in my life! I am over the moon about being married to my best friend. I’m happy to be rid of my stress-filled job as a public high school math teacher. And I love my new home and new friends I’ve made so far! But I miss my kids. I miss the financial independence that comes with having my own income. And I miss my therapist! I have located a potential new therapist and will meet with her for the first time on Wednesday. 

I’ve been conscious of the choices I’ve been making. That’s a step, right? I’ve consciously chosen jelly beans as a snack. I’ve consciously chosen pasta. I’ve slipped back into the diet soda habit. And I have neglected my running/walking. And so the cycle begins again…

I feel sorry for myself for all the stress I’m under. I indulge in large amounts of unhealthy foods and beverages. Then I beat myself up for making the bad choices. Then I feel sorry for myself for beating myself up… and so on. 

I know in my therapy appointment on Wednesday that I want to discuss how to replace self-pity with self-esteem. I want to replace self-indulgence with self-control. I need to replace the self-loathing with a healthy dose of self-love. 

Moral of the story: STOP attending your own pity parties. There’s nothing good for you there.