Beaten But Not Defeated

Last week was rough. I woke up with a head cold on Monday that, as the week progressed, moved into my chest as well. I couldn’t breathe through my nose. The slightest tickle in my throat set off a coughing fit. Needless to say, I didn’t feel like moving, let alone walking/running.

I managed to stay under my calorie cap for most of the week. I just didn’t feel good both from the cold and from the emotional sense that I was losing ground on training. I convinced myself that it was ok. I gave myself permission to not workout until I felt better. I could focus on something else instead of pushing the workout so hard. So I turned my attention to what I feel is one of my worst habits… the diet soda addiction.

I acknowledged recently just how much of an addiction this is for me. I was out of soda at the house and I didn’t think I had any cash on hand. I currently have no personal income, so it would fall on my husband to be my supplier. I found myself counting the change in my car and realizing that I had just enough to get my fix – enough to last for two or three days. Yes, my friends, I spent my last dime to feed my diet soda addiction. One thing at a time – one day at a time, right?

This weekend has been a turning point in a couple of ways. I am now only allowing myself 2 cans of diet soda a day. If I have more than 2, then I’ll end up running short at the end of the week. This way a 12-pack should last me 6 days. In the past, a 6-pack would make it 2 days. Baby steps.

Yesterday, my husband and I were heading over to a friend’s house for football. This always means lots of potluck food and adult beverages. I compensated for what I knew would be a heavy evening meal by eating less earlier in the day and by increasing my water intake. As it turned out, when all food and beverages were accounted for, I went over my daily calorie cap by just over 200 calories. I knew that meant I had to get back into walking first thing today.

I did return to the C25K program today, but I didn’t make myself stick to the podcast I’d been using. Instead, I created a Pandora station that had music that made me want to move. I knew the approximate locations for the speed up/slow down segments of the training. I also knew I needed something different. The music made all the difference for me today. Instead of the now predictable podcast track, I had music that made me want to move. In fact, in some cases, it was difficult to keep walking because I wanted a dance break! When I came in from 30 minutes of consistent walking speed, I caught myself with the headphones still in dancing around the studio and kitchen as I made me a glass of ice water with a splash of orange MiO liquid. That’s the most energy I’ve ever had when coming in from my walking/running time.

Last week, I felt beaten. I felt that this was not going to work for me. But I refused to quit. That’s how I’m NOT going to be defeated this time. My body rebelled and I was sick last week. So what? I lost a week. Big deal. I’m still here. I’m still eating healthier, watching my portions, increasing my water intake, and moving my ass. I was rewarded yesterday by fitting into a pair of pants my mom had given me for my birthday back in June. They are a size 22. I’ve been in a 24-26. I faced the fear of the pants not fitting yesterday and tried them on. When they fit, I was elated! While the number on the scale isn’t dropping the way I’d like, the body is rearranging and my clothes are fitting differently. That is not defeat. That is VICTORY!

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