The A.D.D. Blues

I made myself a promise when I signed on for NaPoWriMo and that is that I will not edit my poems until after I have them all written. With that in mind and with the knowledge that I have Attention Deficit Disorder, please enjoy this stream-of-consciousness response to the prompt from the NaPoWriMo site today… 

 

I can’t seem to focus my mind today
I can’t seem to focus my mind today
I can’t seem to focus and I want to play.

Too many ideas are whirring in my head
Too many ideas are whirring in my head
I don’t like it when I am being misled.

My brain is buzzing with so much noise
My brain is buzzing with so much noise
Oh look! Over there are some really cute boys!

I’ve got lots to do and can’t seem to start
I’ve got lots and lots to do but just can’t seem to start
I need to get some groceries to fill this shopping cart.

Did I forget about that appointment this afternoon?
Oh no, I think I forgot that appointment this afternoon!
Where is my head? I have a vacation coming soon.

I need to get some supper on the stove
I need to get some supper on the stove
Somewhere in this mess is a wonderful treasure trove

Makes no sense the way my mind turns
Really don’t make no sense how my mind turns
I ate some buffalo chicken and, man, that stuff burns.

Don’t want no more crazy life like this
Don’t want no more crazy life like this
Feels like I’m staring into a swirling wild abyss

One thing at a time is something I can’t do
Just one thing at a time is something I can’t do
That’s why I paint and write and sew and look for something new

I’m in too deep, I’m over my head
Yes I’m in too deep and over my head
If I can’t get it together … hey, look at that really bright red!

There has to be a way to fix this mess
Yeah I know there is a way to somehow fix this mess
I wonder if I can still wear that pretty green dress?

Doctor says I need to medicate
My doctor says I sure need to medicate
I need to mail that entry before it’s too late.

I’m so confused by what I think and feel
I’m really bad confused by what I think and feel
I don’t want to believe that this illness is real.

I struggle to manage details, especially when they’re tiny
I really can’t manage details, especially those that are tiny
I need some help with this, but …. oh look! There’s something shiny!

How can there be something wrong with being this way?
How is there anything wrong with being this way?
Lady Gaga says it’s ok because I was born this way.

I need a second opinion so I’ll have to have a referral
I want a second opinion so I’ve got to have a referral
Hey look! ….. I see a squirrel!

Blue Ribbon Pi

… and no, I don’t think this will win any awards! Please kindly ignore the stains on my living room carpet. Have I mentioned that I have two young boys?

Blue satin ribbon on my living room floor

The Bipolar Blues

I’m all broken down and I cry all night long.

Yeah I’m completely broken down and I cry all night long.

I feel so all alone

That I decided to write this song.

I used to get up every morning and pretend I was ok.

Yeah I put my mask on every morning and pretended I was ok.

For months I went through all the motions

And would fake the normal days.

The day finally came when the mask no longer fit.

Yeah the day finally came when the mask no longer fit.

My insides all came pouring out

And I was ready to quit.

Thoughts of ending it all had filled my head at times.

Yeah thought of suicide had filled my head at times.

I completely lost control

And my life was no longer mine.

Bipolar depression had its grip on me,

Yeah deep bipolar depression had a very firm grip on me.

I desperately needed help

Or I would cease to be.

Many people that I loved soon from me took their leave.

Yeah many so called friends soon from me took their leave.

Like cockroaches when the light turns on

As if I had a contagious disease.

Now if I’d been told I had cancer, they’d have rallied by my side,

Yeah if the diagnosis was cancer, they’d have rallied by my side.

But mental illness was just too much

So they left me alone and I cried.

I’m all broken down and I cry all night long.

Yeah I’m completely broken down and I cry all night long.

I have felt so all alone

And now I’m done writing this song.